Week 50: I’m Brahms & Lists

Friday, 14 December 2018

Reading time 02 minutes 22 seconds 

Sometimes our stop doing list needs to be bigger than our to do list – Patti Digh.Glazomania is an unusual fascination with making lists.

Hello, my name is Matthew and I am a Glazomaniac.

My list making varies from what films I should watch, to grocery lists, to things to do if I ever visit Guatemala. When I discovered the Wunderlist app it made me ponder that maybe there is a God. One list I am unable to write is the one of all the companies in the world who have wronged me as this list would take too long to construct, and I know I should be more forgiving.

One company, who shall not be named, cannot be forgiven and the incident that I’m about to share should not be read whilst eating.

A benefit of working in a city, with millions of others, is the lunchtime food options as you discover you don’t have variety when working from home. When I was a city worker, and as a creature of habit, Wednesday was curry day and I would order the same chicken for months, which had the right portion size, from a well know eatery.

One normal Wednesday, and half way through a normal curry, I chewed into a piece of chicken which was a bit gristly. This was not normal, but it happens from time to time, so I just chowed down as my South African friends would say. I was eating at my desk, and distracted by an email, when I realised I’d been chowing down on this lump of chicken for a few minutes. Another email arrived so I decided to try and get my monies worth and kept on going. I even spooned on more curry sauce to help it on its way.

One finished email later I admitted defeat and carried out the undignified action of removal. As I spat it out I had a cheeky peek (don’t pretend you wouldn’t do the same). The horror slowly hit my eyes, and then my brain. This wasn’t a tough lump of chicken nor was it chicken gristle.

I gazed upon a blue plaster.

This type of plaster is used in the food industry, so they can be easily identified during food preparation if they fall off as not much food is blue you see.

I felt unwell as my mind worked out the chain of events. Someone had cut themselves, probably their finger, they administered a plaster, then lovingly prepared my food, the plaster fell off into my grub and before you know it I’m spitting it out thinking it’s chicken fat. My brain scanned my memories, was this the worst food event that had ever happened? The answer was No.

Flashback to a Curry I was eating on another Wednesday this time in Bangkok.

I found a hair in my mouth and as I pulled it just kept coming like a clown’s handkerchief. I felt something move inside me and then felt a lump in my throat and as I continued to yank the lump finally reached my mouth and I discovered the incredibly long hair was wrapped around a piece of chicken that I’d already swallowed.

So ‘Blue Plaster Wednesday’ wasn’t actually that bad.

Did I complain to the company? No of course not. Did I put on them on an unwritten list in my head of places never to visit again. You’re damn right I did!

Picture: How young was I here and can you guess the location?