Week 23: Love Island With My Cat

Friday June 8th 2018

Reading time 02 minutes 53 seconds

You’re out of touch – Hall & Oats

This week a volcano erupted which is means my Mrs must be on holiday. It’s the third incident of eruptions coinciding with her breaks so I’m going to ask the United Nations if they’ll sponsor her to stop travelling thus making the world a safer place.

I am therefore Kevin McCallister and Home Alone.

The possibilities of what you can achieve with an empty house are almost endless so I watched Love Island!

How did this happen?

Myself and the cat decided to watch TV. This is never a good move. 

Once while my Mrs was travelling the cat and I were watching the box , I was having a “fag” and a bug jumped off her fur onto the sofa. I’m fairly sure the cat gave me a look that said “Burn it with that lighter” so I did. The Cat seemed happy and smiled. No one was going to mess with us tonight. Then the arm of the sofa melted. 

Fast forward 8 years and here we are again an empty house and a rare free evening. 

Before her departure the instructions to us both were clear. Water the plants and don’t burn down the house. 

A look passed between me and the cat. We weren’t making no promises. Although we’d both been sober for a number of years if a bug comes into our home we are going to Starship Trooper the hell out of it. The only good bug is a dead bug. Right Rico!

Plus what could go wrong , we’d quit smoking.

We ended up channel flicking and stopped on the show Love Island, which I’ve never seen before so I thought I’d have a look in the same way that I drive slowly past car accidents.

I’ve no idea of the concept, structure or meaning of this show and in that respect it’s a good metaphor for my life. 

I’d missed the beginning 5 minutes which must have explained how it worked because after 50 minutes I was none the wiser. The cat also looked confused.

Here’s what we learned;

There are 12 contestants who all sleep in the same room. There must have been a party game similar to musical chairs where every day a bed is removed so that they end up having to share with one another.

As I understood it they sleep with a different person every night and then spend the next day apologising to the people they’d previously slept with. It seemed weird game to me but then I’m no expert on matters of the heart or naughties in the bedroom department.

There were tears and arguments on the show as well as in my living room. 

What did that word mean? Wasn’t Muggy a description for hot and sticky weather? Was it now a bedroom phrase? “He was proper Muggy and I Loved it!”

What is to Prangy? I’d pranged a car once, was this now something I shouldn’t say in public? 

A thought crossed my mind that if Cancer research were paid a pound every time the word “like” was used then by the end of the show we may have a cure.

At the shows conclusion I was asked to vote for who should date/sleep with each other. I felt like some kind of god with the power to change people lives for better or worse. I must admit I enjoyed the experience but I’m unsure why. Maybe it was similar to the rubber necking I do, nice to look, lucky to not be involved. I was also a little bit more informed as to how good looking people behave. I always thought they had it so easy. 

I’ve made a note in my diary to watch it next Tuesday night as I’d like to know what happened to that posh fella and the not so posh lady. I hope they get Prangy and Muggy together as that’s what I voted for.

So far me and my feline friend have caused no damage but it is only Friday…..

Picture: My Funko Cat!